“And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it.”

Here are the 4 steps:

1. Repeat what the person said.
2. Paraphrase what was being said.
3. Ask yourself what does that mean.
4. Respond with point 3 in mind.

Example: David says, “I’m hungry” in the early morning at work….

1. David said that he is hungry.
2. David did not eat enough in the morning.
3. David could have rushed in the morning, he might have been busy yesterday night.
4. Response: “Do you need any help with work?”

On paper, hunger and help with work doesn’t seem to match. But in real conversations, the result is that the person would feel that you’re a good companion and wonderful listening ear.

So try it out. It may be slow trying these 4 steps in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it, your listening skills would automate smoothly.

Mystery solved:

• It’s how you spent your time, not how much time you spent.
• It’s how much you actually absorb, not how much you think you should have absorbed.
• It’s about setting standards based on topics, not hours.

Quality, then quantity.

1. Display photographs of yourself and your loved ones
2. Print out and display quotes or sayings which can uplift you almost instantaneously
3. Display your cetificates and qualifications - this is to remind yourself of your abilities at times when you doubt your abilities to complete the task at hand
4. Soften your workspace with garments like sweaters or with scented candles
5. Share any special stationery (like some gigantic stapler or a cutting board) which you may own with the other cubicles (let it be known that they can use it)

You’ll spend quite a considerable amount of time seated at your workspace. Make it enjoyable.

Who is the judge?
The judge is God.
Why is he God?
Because he decides who wins or loses. Not my opponeent.
Who is your opponent?
He does not exist.
Why does he not exist?
Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth I speak.

Sometimes I imagine the world without you
But most times I’m just so happy that I ever found you
Its a complicated web
That you weave inside my head
So much pleasure with such pain
We always always stay the same

I’m feeling the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the knick of time
I’m riding the highs I’m digging the lows
Cuz at least I feel alive
I never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good I’m feeling you
I’m feeling you

You go and then I can finally breath in
Cuz baby I know in the end you’re never leaving
Well we rarely ever sane
I drive you crazy and you do the same
But your fire fills my soul
And it warms me up like no one knows

I’m feeling the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the knick of time
I’m riding the highs I’m digging the lows
Cuz at least I feel alive
I never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good I’m feeling you
I’m feeling you

In a not too far away land, there was a tree. On its branch were two birds. One bird planned to fly away. How many birds are left?

Answer? Still two.

The bird just planned away. It didn’t take action.

You’d probably ask him to try the first weight. He lifts it up pretty easily, and says that he could do a thousand lifts without breaking a sweat. The perfect weight he says. You feel like knocking that weight on his head, but instead you tell him to try the next heavier weight, and the next one, and the next. Until he gets to one which he feels difficulty in carrying. When he reaches that one, you ask him to try the next heavier one. He can’t even lift this one up. His enthusiasm about the whole fitness thingy looks lost. You recommend him to get the earlier weight, the one which caused him difficulty, but not too heavy till he couldn’t even try.

Our brain is a muscle in between our ears. We build brain muscle by lifting weights and having brain resistance. Ever had to study for an exam and felt a slight tension? Well done, you’re building brain muscle. However, you’ve also had instances where the subject gets too hard that you give up, right? That’s too heavy a weight and resistance. You should have carried a lighter weight, perhaps by studying a toned down version of the subjetct.

And just like building normal arm muscles, once the resistance disappears (you now have bigger arms), you need to change weights. Why? Cause you might just grow skinny again if the resistance stops. So too the brain. Too much relaxation and a lack of knowledge brain-downloading can inhibit growth. A common symptom? You feel too tired to think just alittle more. Really.

So head to the nearest brain fitness centre (bookstore, library, school, project work, community involvement, etc) choose the right weight for your level (subject level, complexity, difficulty, mode of teaching) and build your brain muscles today.

Why the lack of compassion.

Then it turns to anger. You slowly hate the person. The person stands for all things unfair. You cannot understand how they live their lives knowing they’re hurting you.

Then you suffer. You soon realize that whether they care doesn’t matter. The silence is real, and you are feeding it. You slowly think of other options. You know your body is aching. You know you should move on.

One day you decide to try. You try moving on. You open the windows once again. You breathe new light into your world. Your viewpoints of people slowly change. Friends become enemies. Enemies emerge as saviours. You carry on, you live well, yet you remember.

Time passes. You’re better off now. The pain is there, but you understand that you don’t have to take it in. You have a choice. Yes you remember, but you can press buttons now. You are doing well. You read literature that tells you about ultimate freedom, about forgiving those who have hurt you.

What do you do.

–

Here is my advice:

1. What you do to forgive depends on how well you are, in what stage you’re in. The first step is to forgive your enemy with your heart. You don’t have to talk to the person, you don’t have to tell anyone anything. You tell yourself, that you forgive them.
2. The next stage is to slowly have the person’s good will in your thoughts. You pray for your enemies’ well being. You say that yes, they hurt me, but you can hurt others too. You grow.
3. As time passes, you can move on to the final step: direct contact with the person. You apologize to the person for what you have done. You mention nothing of what they have done. You have arrived. You are wiser. If they start apologizing, you nod, accept and smile. You avoid being all philosophical. You know that sincerity sometimes is felt from the heart.

Forgive according to your capacity. If you can’t, take your time. There is no compulsion in step 3. If you can do step 1, and say it in your heart, then smile, for you have character many can only imagine.

When it comes to forgiveness, time is on your side.

1. Do you complain before trying?
2. Do you allow negative sentiments to be verbalized?
3. Are you pessimistic in achieving the impossible?

Learned helplessness is about you teaching yourself how to fail. It’s as cruel as that. The worst part is it’s become a habit, and you do so without realizing the slow damage it causes. Like a cancer of the mind, it stumps your growth even before you begin, and it always tells you that the glass is half empty, even before you see the glass.

The first step is to realize the condition. Now that you know, be more aware of whether you have learned helplessness from the thoughts you have, from the words you say, from the number of times you procrastinate.

Learned helplessness is a habit. Habits don’t define you. You can unlearn negative habits and install new ones. Time to uninstall the shovel, and grow the flowers. Discipline your mind, take care of your heart, take control of your future.