How to Forgive Those Who Have Hurt You
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Letting go. It’s hard when someone has caused you injustice. You feel pain, and deep unfairness. You ask questions about their actions, about what you did to cause such harm to yourself.
Why the lack of compassion.
Then it turns to anger. You slowly hate the person. The person stands for all things unfair. You cannot understand how they live their lives knowing they’re hurting you.
Then you suffer. You soon realize that whether they care doesn’t matter. The silence is real, and you are feeding it. You slowly think of other options. You know your body is aching. You know you should move on.
One day you decide to try. You try moving on. You open the windows once again. You breathe new light into your world. Your viewpoints of people slowly change. Friends become enemies. Enemies emerge as saviours. You carry on, you live well, yet you remember.
Time passes. You’re better off now. The pain is there, but you understand that you don’t have to take it in. You have a choice. Yes you remember, but you can press buttons now. You are doing well. You read literature that tells you about ultimate freedom, about forgiving those who have hurt you.
What do you do.
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Here is my advice:
- What you do to forgive depends on how well you are, in what stage you’re in. The first step is to forgive your enemy with your heart. You don’t have to talk to the person, you don’t have to tell anyone anything. You tell yourself, that you forgive them.
- The next stage is to slowly have the person’s good will in your thoughts. You pray for your enemies’ well being. You say that yes, they hurt me, but you can hurt others too. You grow.
- As time passes, you can move on to the final step: direct contact with the person. You apologize to the person for what you have done. You mention nothing of what they have done. You have arrived. You are wiser. If they start apologizing, you nod, accept and smile. You avoid being all philosophical. You know that sincerity sometimes is felt from the heart.
Forgive according to your capacity. If you can’t, take your time. There is no compulsion in step 3. If you can do step 1, and say it in your heart, then smile, for you have character many can only imagine.
When it comes to forgiveness, time is on your side.
August 8th, 2008 - Posted in Calmness, Forgiveness, Freedom, Recovery | |
